Damnit BMW...

"It's a "Porch-uh"" (ikazuchi)
12/27/2013 at 13:31 • Filed to: BMW Fail

I kept my mouth shut when the BMW community was freaking out about the 4-series. I thought it actually started to make sense that you'd make your odd-numbered cars sedans and evens would be coupe. Even with the stupid "sedan-coupes" (BMW execs need to read The Paradox of Choice ) it all made some sense, but now I've found they completely f'd up their naming conventions.

So my local BMW dealer invited me to an event and I was checking out the new 4-series. Cool, I'll take some free food and check out cars for an afternoon. I check out the 428i and the sales guy says it's a 2.0L twin-turbo. I correct him (I'm used to correcting BMW sales guys) and let him know that would be the 420i, right? The _28i would be the 2.8L straight 6 petrol engine, like it's been FOR YEARS. Pop the hood and yeah...4 banger, twin-turbo. Check the badge on the back... "428i." Damn it. Check another car... same deal. What?

Did everybody already talk about this months ago and not tell me? Why didn't you tell me?!

DISCUSSION (18)

Goshen, formerly Darkcode > It's a "Porch-uh"
12/27/2013 at 13:32

Wait, you only knew that now?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > It's a "Porch-uh"
12/27/2013 at 13:33

Yes, when the 328i came out, we didn't have the heart to break it to you.

It's a "Porch-uh" > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
12/27/2013 at 13:36

Which 328i? Wasn't the E9X 328 a 2.8?

I'm just seeing now that the F10 328i is the same N20 motor (4cyl TT).

It's a "Porch-uh" > Goshen, formerly Darkcode
12/27/2013 at 13:38

Yeah, and I'd consider myself a "BMW Guy." I just blindly assumed that they wouldn't go and change the meaning of their model numbers.

Party-vi > It's a "Porch-uh"
12/27/2013 at 13:39

"HAHAHA SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!!! We replaced that smooth straight-6 with a buzzy 4-banger because most Americans don't know they're paying more for less cylinders. Isn't it wonderful!? We're also charging and extra $4,000 for the same fucking engine but with more boost than the 320i."

~ BMW

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > It's a "Porch-uh"
12/27/2013 at 13:39

The F10.

The E90 had a 3.0L

It's a "Porch-uh" > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
12/27/2013 at 13:40

Say what now? The E90 328i was a 3.0L?!

Damnit.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > It's a "Porch-uh"
12/27/2013 at 13:42

Yes, the last 2.8L was in 2000...

Party-vi > It's a "Porch-uh"
12/27/2013 at 13:46

No just the F30.

In the US the E9x 325i and 328i had the same 3.0L N52B30 engine which used different intakes and software settings to adjust power. The 325i had about 218hp and the 328i had 230hp. The last 330i had 258hp from the same engine before BMW changed over to the twin turbo variant.

Rico > It's a "Porch-uh"
12/27/2013 at 13:49

I don't want to pile on with what others have said so I'll just say:

God damn that's a sexy machine. Those wheels!

Tekamul > It's a "Porch-uh"
12/27/2013 at 13:55

This is the passing of the guard. You are no longer a BMW Guy. You know how I know?

You popped the hood.

New BMW Guys don't do that anymore. New BMW Guys have a scheduled weekly appointment at the Executive Detailers for the next 15 weeks. New BMW Guys know the difference between a Round Eyelet and a Blunt Point collar.

Face it, you're now an Old School BMW Guy.

shinsen > Party-vi
12/27/2013 at 14:00

jeeze, I never realized how much of a bully BMW is with their customers, no wonder they convince people to pay so much for the cars when they are mean like that!

It's a "Porch-uh" > Tekamul
12/27/2013 at 14:06

True - I did choose an E39 M5 over an E60 M5 because the E60 wouldn't allow me to do much of the work myself (also because the S62 motor is fantastic).

Jayhawk Jake > It's a "Porch-uh"
12/27/2013 at 14:06

I don't know why they even bother with the 3 digits. Just call it a 3 series and add some moniker behind it, or do like audi and just label what engine it has

It's a "Porch-uh" > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
12/27/2013 at 14:09

I had to go and check that my wife's 325iT is actually a 2.5L 6.

Indeed it is.

jdrgoat - Ponticrack? > It's a "Porch-uh"
12/27/2013 at 15:58

You should also know that BMW isn't the only one that's been doing this for a while now. Their crosstown rivals at MB also think that the numbers historical significance has more meaning than the actual numbers themselves. (BMW keeps 328 because of some BMW 328 from decades and decades ago... sentimental value, accuracy be damned.) Benz used to make a 6.3L V8 back in the day... in more modern times, they had a supercharged 5.5L V8 in the E55 AMG for example. Note that the "55" part of the model name still refers to the engine's displacement. Go forward a few years, and they have a new engine for their new AMG cars, and they call it a 6.3L, because history , even though it's a 6.2L this time. C63 AMG, E63 AMG, S63, all those cars with the 6.2L were called a 6.3L, even with a big ol' badge on the fender sometimes claiming "6.3L"! And they didn't stop there! Not with emissions standards and fuel economy standards... Now they sell "x63" branded cars, with a 5.5L twin turbo V8!

All that rambling, and I'm not even a Euro car guy...

And the LS7, it's 4.125" bore and 4.000" stroke make it a 427.6 cubic inch, which rounds to 428 ci. But, history.

Michael Flatter > It's a "Porch-uh"
12/28/2013 at 00:15

There is a 420i with the same 2.0L 4 cylinder that is sold outside the US (Just like the 320i that is sold here.) The 428i has that engine tuned to produce higher performance. What would you rather them call it - the 420i+ ?

The BMW numbering scheme is not that hard to figure out - its still easier to figure than whatever is going on at Mercedes or whatever the hell the trim levels on American cars are supposed to mean.

Daywalker > It's a "Porch-uh"
12/29/2013 at 09:55

E46, the last 3-series before sh!t got weird.